Marriage – a companion to share loves with
If you want a relationship to click…find out what makes it tick.
What do you see in another person that excites you to be with them?
The short version for me: I like intelligent conversation and a bit of adventure in spirit. I like someone who has an open mind and knows a little about a lot. I like someone who remembers being a kid, without the baggage. I love to brainstorm with someone until I’m dizzy with delight. I get bored quickly in limited conversation and am not impressed by financial status, only how they got there, as I create my own wealth. I like tall with dark hair, slim and attractive as me. I know it isn’t my age wanting this because I was the same when I was younger.
Team for two
My idea of a relationship is that is a team of two companions. If it doesn’t work, it’s not a team. You wouldn’t hitch a Clydesdale horse and a Shetland pony to the same carriage, so why would you hitch them to the same marriage? It is obvious why this team would have problems getting the carriage to town, but with people we have to look inside to see what makes them a team.
A relationship is not a hierarchy or dictatorship…it is joint-venture.
What is a relationship?
A relationship is a musical duet that requires two entertainers of equal stature who can sing and dance. The entertainers take turns singing and dancing in choreographed splendor in a way that seems effortless to those less talented. This analogy respects the individuality of the two parts as they need and complement each other to create something grand. They will work on developing their individual talents further and communicate changes to each other to see what works for as long as the doors are open. They are one with the music of their love.
The biggest problem people have is that their meaning of a relationship is limited to the romance/erotic stage. Many people are itching to move on once that stage is over for them because they think that’s all there is to it. You hear them crying all over the radio that love is gone and it will never be back. Wah! It would be pretty sad to be a human being if that’s all there was to life.
The ones that are scratching their itches will keep on looking for the love-bug to bite them over and over again, hoping for the ultimate king/queen bug. Little do they know that’s there’s more to the bug than its bite. Too bad. Maybe it’s time to put this bug under a microscope for a closer look.
The person of your dreams may stay in your dreams for a long time until you are ready to meet them in the real world.
The one thing that keeps us searching for the right person to team up with is when see our mistake in choosing the wrong partner. It’s like we know something doesn’t feel quite right and we truly wanted this to be ‘the one’, but, nope. Anyway, we can use the hindsight to give us foresight for the next one.
Many people make the mistake of saying, “This is the one that will last forever”. I hate to burst your bubble, but if you need to talk yourself into it or you’re saying it from the romantic stage, it may not be. Life brings no guarantees and a promise is a promise made at a moment based on your current knowledge of a situation. It is the fortunate few who in fact do find the right kind of love to last for decades, but there is a team in that, too. The best you can do is enjoy the experience and realize that there is a whole life ahead of you and this person is going to share a piece of it. How much depends on the ability of the team to communicate and grow together while maintaining their individuality.
Why do people stay in a bad relationship?
Many people stay purely for relationship worship of how they want the relationship to appear to others, and no other reason. They have given up their original identity and only identify with a character in an illusion. When they outlast the original show, they stay only to worship the word no matter how bad the performance gets or how long ago the doors closed. They feel that without it, they are no one, so they continue to dance their part, only without their partner’s involvement.
Marriage was made for people…people were not made for marriage.
I’m glad I don’t live in a place where marriages are arranged or we are restricted to certain partners like a religious cult. Been there, done that. The best advice I ever gave myself was to discard any lingering baggage from childhood and get to know myself really well before I settle down into a relationship. I just should have said it a lot sooner in life, but I live and learned. There is nothing worse than sacrificing yourself to an institution that you don’t even know if you believe in yet because you don’t know your self at all. The saddest thing about the institution of marriage has been the words, “‘Til death do us part” where it has been taken literally instead of symbolically in that the death is of the love between them.
The most important person in this world is you and getting to know that person should be the first step in anyone’s life. Each step you take after that becomes a deliberate choice where even the thorns recede on the path at the very sound of your footsteps. That’s very poetic, eh!
Be very honest
We may survive many a heartbreak before we actually get it all figured out, but that heartbreak will tell you that you are definitely not ready yet, and you do get over them. So, get back to looking inward and learning more about your self and your views in life, because you will have to face them all in a relationship one day. Be honest about being ready and what kind of relationship you want.
Sure, you might say that you really like a person and so what if they have a kid, you don’t mind kids. Wrong…leave a single parent alone if you have no desire to have kids of your own or if you don’t even want your own in your life.
Single parents
Too many men assume that a woman with child(ren) needs a man in her life. Get over it, because the last thing a single parent needs is someone causing more destruction than the original parent already has. Many woman find that lots of men have still not grown up and certainly don’t need another kid in their life. Men are also very attracted to the independent working mom and see her as a source of strength, but they forget to bring their own to the equation. On the other hand, women need to accept the fact that the right man for them may be a while and need to focus on the woman they are becoming.
Woman need not feel that they must pick up where another mother left off if they really don’t want to raise children anymore, especially if theirs are grown. A good empty nest feeling is a sign that you did your job well and your children are free to visit you as they please…wherever in the world you may be!
What marriage is and what it isn’t
- Marriage is not a purpose in life…life itself is purpose that may or may not include marriage(s).
- Marriage may happen once, often, or never in a lifetime and may last hours, days, months, years, or decades. You may be gun-shy after the first one and dance around it for years.
- Marriage is a confirmation to the rest of the world that you are making a commitment to stay with another person through thick and thin for as long as your capacity to love will sustain it.
- Marriage is not a ball and chain where no one has the key, it is opportunity to stay by choice.
- Marriage is not the ultimate in life, love is, and marriage becomes a curse without it.
- Marriage complements an already full life, it does not hinder it.
- Relationships are for sharing loves with another…not obligations.
Know your self well…it is your protection from bad choices in relationships